Sunday, July 20, 2008

Re: Sometimes I do Hate Men

Before reading this post, please read Sometimes I do Hate Men.

I really liked the post, and way the writer has expressed her feeling, at-least there are few people in our society to display the creepy, ugly and evil part of our shameless society.

I will continue from my comment on the earlier post where I have asked certain questions about the origination of such evil or more I would call Illness of our society.

First of all I would have to agree with SAWJ on his opinion of Pardah. The other thing while reading the post came to my mind was, writer’s general dressing sense. Me being a male, lives on the other side of the society for what the writer has mentioned in her post. I very well understand what in general boys try to hit on and what would they just ignore (if any?).

Advice for girls:

When you are out, try to cover yourself. If you are properly covered, not giving any hints to the peeping eyes AND you are not LOUD (I am sure you know what I mean) as required by our religion, than in my humble opinion half of the guys would just let you spare.

Advice for boys:

Stop fantasizing! Not every girl is of THAT type! Before staring someone, think of your own mother/sister or even wife when they are out?! Would you like same thing to happen them? I HOPE not.

Where the problem comes for:

Okay, coming to my real reason to comment on this is to discuss how the problem became so prominent and why is it on the rise in Pakistani society. I am very sure; only couple of decades ago, very few of the women in bazaars used to face such problems.

I have seen people writing against only against Pakistan and Pakistani society and trying their best to prove them sick and oppressors in case of the women. Girls usually compare our society with idealistic western societies, taking them as role model where women can roam freely without being peeked on. Yes, I do agree with that part. But is “perving” and staring and abusing and harassing comes from the genes? No it is certainly not the case at all. People have written about teaching the boys right manners and behaviour with women and all that.

Trust me it is not an individualistic problem and it cannot be solved in that way either. Our whole nation needs to be trained and taught manners to behave and ideas to follow. But the biggest dilemma of our society is that we are unsure who to follow and what faith to keep. Women wants liberty to roam around freely without wanting to cover up, following fashion trends, dressing latest attires just to feel special and good about their personality but is that kind of society we live in? That is the question to ask.

Islam promotes the idea of Haya and Pardah. Because in an Islamic society there are boundaries for both the sexes, there are set of rules to be followed. In western countries, keeping relationship out of wedlock is very much acceptable, here it is not! Sleeping around is very much acceptable, here it is not! Paying to have a partner is very much acceptable, here it is not! Can't you see the difference? How they are fulfilling some of the very basic human instincts whereas Islam teaches patience, and abstinence. To counter such feelings and urge for such behaviour, where the concept of Pardah and Haya comes in.

They are living in free world with no Halal or Haram principles. We as a Pakistani nation are taught western textbooks in our schools, shown western/Indian shows on our media, yet are bound to behave under heavy restrictions in the society because of the overall Muslim attire of the society. So where goes the frustration? The lust? What about all those feelings?

So the only thing can be said on this topic is, “We have to set our priorities right!”. What do we want to be? A society where all are free to do what ever they like without any religious and moral jurisdictions? Where women can work alongside with male counterparts without being harassed? (If one thinks that is the case with foreign societies) Or the society where men and women have separate roles to play and everyone remains under some limits, where Haya and Pardah prevails in both the genders of the society...

This post is very much open for comments, kindly do so. Ask me if you didn't get it, write your comment if you didn't like it.


At 2:15 am, Anonymous khawab said...

i totally agree wid ya...

i have notice the girls who complain most of the time are those who are weak in pardah....have u ever notice girls in proper pardah complaing for being stared

At 2:18 am, Anonymous khawab said...

some gals before they out jst to buy some stuff will dress up wid full make up on and wid a strong perfume and when some guy would luk @ them or pass a comment they'll complain....

i am not trying to say that watever the guy is doing/saying is right....thats wrong on his part but gals need to think too wat they r doing

At 1:36 am, Anonymous unaiza nasim said...

Dude, what ever you wrote is correct, but I have few things to bring to notice.
Even if you live in US and are not Muslim and ypu touch a girl on road, there it goes...
She wont definitely turn back and kiss you:P
it's genral ethics, and unfortunately men are greedy :P
That;s the reason y islam being a complete religion, asks to cover. Its just a twist of what you have written.
Unfortunately the society we live in takes religion for the benifit of own. I know girls who wear burqa because they have to go to Dance parties to reveal what's half naked inside. I personally know girls who used to do it back in university and how guys made fun of them!
So wearing burqa is not the solution, you have to do pardah and maimntain its grace as wel.
Imnot sure if
im clear or not. but please let me know if im not

At 5:32 am, Blogger Mariam said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 5:34 am, Anonymous Meher said...

While parda may help women escape stares & harassment in some cases, it does not mean that any woman who does not practice parda wants to be stared at or harassed. People in general should behave in a civilized manner, regardless of gender or attire.

I'll keep this one short :)

At 9:45 pm, Blogger Bushra said...

Jee iam agree with meher k if they are not practiced pardha tu unhe he daikha jai...

jab tak hum sab collectively apni ikhlaqi tarbiyat nai keraingy to change ana ki possibility nai hy, or ikhlaqi tarbiya khali larky nai larkioo ko bi zaroorat hy ..

Or yeh awareness k liye site per batana or apne emotions ko potray kerna not necessary cuz ise kuch nai badalne wala ... haa society mei aik dosre k liye nafrat zaror berh jai gi.. jo k atleast yahan kafi hy ...

At 9:47 pm, Blogger Bushra said...

and sorry ksi ko kuch bura lagy cuz yeh maira personal opinion hy .

At 10:33 pm, Anonymous aashely said...

This attitude has been practised since decades but unfortunately now its turned into horrible shape.We cant teach others but yes are resposible of our own conduction which keep us away from all abusing remarks.Dear bro hell of things are involved to strighten up the situation.We dont have any code to follow thats why drfiting here and there.I know to follow teaching of Islam will cut down its ratio another chain of questions???

At 10:42 am, Blogger Tauqeer said...

Yes, hell lot of questions we need to ask ourselves! ..

I will look naive if i would say, people do not understand the whole horrible scenario and do like to blame particular behaviour, but it is more than that..

well again, who am I conclude all this..

At 10:51 am, Blogger Tazeen said...

there goes another mullah wannabe who wants women to cover up and be docile ...
there is no enlightenment at the end of the tunnel, till what time will men continue to blame their libido on women and their lack of purdah

At 11:40 am, Blogger Tauqeer said...

Okay, tazeen is one of those people mentioned by "khawab".....

"some gals before they out jst to buy some stuff will dress up wid full make up on and wid a strong perfume and when some guy would luk @ them or pass a comment they'll complain...."

LoL. If anybody got impression of me as a Mullah, not my problem. I merely asked two questions in the post, if you are not willing to answer or comment in a productive way, kindly STAY AWAY!

At 3:00 pm, Blogger $@m said...

ok.. this post

HAS to be an eye opener fo every otha gal out there who actually wants to b not to b stalked or to be harassd..

as it is said it takes two to tango.. likewise gals actually provide guys with chances to pass comments on them when they go around all dressed up with he make up and those strong perfumes..

gals quit doing tht. cover them properly and guys won't do what they do.. not that i support what guys do.. but thts a fact

and if smbdy cant accept the facts.. they shd'nt complain either..

At 12:31 pm, Blogger Tauqeer said...

Some of my idea is also proposed in here:

Regarding being frustrated and all that ...

At 1:46 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...


good post, you make some excellent points.

But, I'd have to say that though doing purdah solves the problem 80 percent of the time, it isn't always the case and neither is it THE solution for perverted Men. You still get hit on sometimes even if you're in Niqaab/Abaya whatever, especially if its in a society where Hijab is common. Or it could just depend on an individual to individual basis. allahuaalam.

At 2:35 pm, Blogger BlackRose said...

I wrote this long post here.. was proper ranting.. some personal experiences.. whilst i was doing pardah.. and other incidents i had seen here in glasgow..with women who do pardah..

Unfortunately my post wasnt published.. and i simply refuse to rewrite my essay :$

I agree with purple there..

Ur goin on about pardah..and haya... its bit sad in todays world... some of ur points seems to contradict the simple purpose of the pardah.. and that was to protect instead.. the true fact of the matter from what i have witnessed and experienced is.. its more of a reason to target.

I dont like ur generalisations..about womens sense of dress being the reason. Yes i agree girl wearing hardly anythin on is gonna have problems.. those problems yes she may be causing.. herself. BUT.. what does one say to a women whos hand is grabbed in glasgow city centre whilst in full nikab?

U cant give the haya pardah speech there..

Im no feminist (HA! :$ ) AND not all men are perves..( HA! AGAIN!) ..

Its hard enough for a women in todays society (ANYWHERE IN THE BLOODY WORLD) to work on her own even. Sometimes all the stupidness just should be ignored.. but ranting about it once in a while is surely acceptable.

You cannot sit there trying to find solutions..i just dont think its as simple as that.


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